Centerfold - The J. Geils Band

It's sunny as all get out this week in London. I have an affliction that tends to become quite pronounced in warm weather: I uncontrollably listen to enormous amounts of cheesy pop music- and it doesn't get much cheesier than Centerfold by The J. Geils Band. But damn it! If I'm going to listen to this stuff then SO ARE YOU.

Centerfold has one of the most memorable organ hooks in pop music. A bit bluesy, a bit americana, a bit glossy eighties pop rock, and every inch an unstoppable ear worm. The song may or may not have been written about lead singer Peter Wolf's at the time girlfriend, actress Angel Tompkins- it's never been totally confirmed but seems to fit.

Either way, allow this bouncing pop rendition of one man's mental anguish over his childhood sweetheart's Playboy debut to soundtrack your sunny afternoon out. Or in. Whatever. The hook is taking over my braiNAH NAH NAHNAHNAHNAH NAH NAH NAH NANANAHNANAHNAH

Songs of the Robocalypse Vol. 3 - Phantom of the Floppera

So this is a bit ancient in Internet terms, but that doesn't mean we can just ignore all the signs of the coming Robacalypse. Today we present Phantom of the Floppera: Tocatta and Fugue performed entirely on Floppy Disk Drives.

Using what creator George Whiteside has dubbed a 'Diskette Organ,' the machinery takes advantage of the groans and whines of the mechanisms used to spin the innards of a floppy disk in order to create beautifully terrifying music.

George has created a whole webpage devoted to explaining the mechanics behind the machine, presumably so we know how to defeat it when it rebels.

Cramming For College - Pornosonic

You're about to let Dick Dagger into your ears. I hope you're sitting comfortably.

The origin of Pornosonic: A band of non-discloure agreement shackled musicians write music for some of THE BEST porn films of the last thirty years. A cache of lost recordings is recently discovered by Ron Jeremy, who immediately releases them onto an unsuspecting public. Some even say Pornosonic was created by Ron Jeremy in 1971 after a chance meeting with an LA session musician named Don Argott.

This is where the story begins to get a little fuzzy. Y'see, Don Argott was born in 1972. He's a documentary filmmaker first and foremost who plays in a number of bands on the side- including a project called Pornosonic whose music was featured in the film Old School.

Dig a little further and you find the second Pornosonic album- Cream Streets: Music From the Unreleased Motion Picture starring Dick Dagger. Except... The film never existed as far as anyone can tell- and neither did Dick Dagger!

So. Fake porn music for fake porn. Why should you care? Because- against a whole slew of odds- it's excellent. Eargasms my friend.

The music struts and spins on twelve inch platforms across pavements that bounce and boogie to each pounding beat of a fuzz bass sexing WOCKACHOCKA guitars barely contained by massive (Clavinet) organs. Just hit play on today's Best Song Ever- Cramming For College and you'll see what I'm talking about.

The musical references and sign posts are all over the map- from Stevie Wonder-fried blaxploitation to wah-wah tinged diva ballads (see the incredible Spider Pussy Slight Return). It's a wonder the band pulled off the music without it becoming a pure novelty act. The intercut skits from Ron Jeremy push it further into the land of tongue-in-cheek, but not dangerously so.

If the music had been a little less catchy- more like the equivalent of porn elevator music- this could have been one of the most groan inducing records on the planet. Thank christ that Don Argott and his friends are skilled musicians with an obvious love and understanding of the music they've decided to craft.

So let's go out and enjoy the sweet melodies and romance to be found in new classics like Sex Starved Secretaries, Laying Pipe and (of course) Her Magic Carpet.

Shooting Breaks - Garage A Trois

Shooting Breaks by Garage A Trois

Garage A Trois are an instrumental band featuring saxophone, vibraphone, synth organs and heavy, heavy drums. That sentence alone should immediately tell you how awesome they are, but if you need further convincing here's 'Shooting Breaks,' a track from their fourth studio album Always Be Happy, But Stay Evil released earlier this year- and today's Best Song Ever.

'Shooting Breaks' is the sound of an endlessly surreal panic attack. Great tongues of synth and organ curl down at you from the sky. Drums burst through the ground in the shape of hearts caught in voodoo cardiac arrest. Vibraphones (already the total melding of paranoia and joy into one sound) clink and crack through the roar in a constant game of aural peekaboo.

It's wild as hell, and just when you think you're getting to grips with it you reach the 2:20 mark and things get funky and terrifying in equal measure, like fifty foot elephants doing a can-can across your brain.