The Big Noise From Winnetka - Bob Haggart & Ray Bauduc

The Big Noise From Winnetka is barest of bones jazz rhythm stretched to its breathless breaking point. Bassist (and damn fine whistler) Bob Haggart and drummer Ray Bauduc made up the rhythm section of Bob Crosby's Bobcats, a swing band mainly active during the 30s/40s but have reunited endlessly over the years. During a 1938 performance at Blackhawks Restaurant in Chicago (the Chicago Loop area, to be precise), Crosby and the rest of the Bobcats were late returning from a break so Haggart and Bauduc began jamming. And what a big noise they made.

The song is thriller music incarnate. It's cool and classy while wired and paranoid. A bit like straddling a caffeine rush between the high and the jitters. Haggart's fine lines stride and shake, jumping up and down the neck like doped up fleas. Bauduc concocts a triptrapping rhythm that seems to utilize each section of his drumkit in a series of consecutive solos before turning into an EVEN BIGGER solo around the halfway mark. Then! The really cool part happens. Right around the 1:40 mark, Bauduc starts playing his sticks on Haggart's bass strings. Haggart in turn keeps fingering the neck, creating a fabulously percussive bass solo which becomes the ultimate stripped down expression of the rhythm section in a band.

The pair kept playing the song (Crosby loved it) over the years. It's been used in countless films, has been reworked with a full band and vocals (nowhere near as powerful as the genuine article), and has firmly entrenched itself in history as one of those songs where it just sounds so natural- so intuitive -that you can't help but think, "DAMN IT. I know this song from somewhere. But WHERE?"

Cramming For College - Pornosonic

You're about to let Dick Dagger into your ears. I hope you're sitting comfortably.

The origin of Pornosonic: A band of non-discloure agreement shackled musicians write music for some of THE BEST porn films of the last thirty years. A cache of lost recordings is recently discovered by Ron Jeremy, who immediately releases them onto an unsuspecting public. Some even say Pornosonic was created by Ron Jeremy in 1971 after a chance meeting with an LA session musician named Don Argott.

This is where the story begins to get a little fuzzy. Y'see, Don Argott was born in 1972. He's a documentary filmmaker first and foremost who plays in a number of bands on the side- including a project called Pornosonic whose music was featured in the film Old School.

Dig a little further and you find the second Pornosonic album- Cream Streets: Music From the Unreleased Motion Picture starring Dick Dagger. Except... The film never existed as far as anyone can tell- and neither did Dick Dagger!

So. Fake porn music for fake porn. Why should you care? Because- against a whole slew of odds- it's excellent. Eargasms my friend.

The music struts and spins on twelve inch platforms across pavements that bounce and boogie to each pounding beat of a fuzz bass sexing WOCKACHOCKA guitars barely contained by massive (Clavinet) organs. Just hit play on today's Best Song Ever- Cramming For College and you'll see what I'm talking about.

The musical references and sign posts are all over the map- from Stevie Wonder-fried blaxploitation to wah-wah tinged diva ballads (see the incredible Spider Pussy Slight Return). It's a wonder the band pulled off the music without it becoming a pure novelty act. The intercut skits from Ron Jeremy push it further into the land of tongue-in-cheek, but not dangerously so.

If the music had been a little less catchy- more like the equivalent of porn elevator music- this could have been one of the most groan inducing records on the planet. Thank christ that Don Argott and his friends are skilled musicians with an obvious love and understanding of the music they've decided to craft.

So let's go out and enjoy the sweet melodies and romance to be found in new classics like Sex Starved Secretaries, Laying Pipe and (of course) Her Magic Carpet.